Monterey Bay, Monterey, California
One night several years ago, I couldn’t sleep, and even the calming things I do to relax and clear my mind wouldn’t help. It was about 3 am. I got up to meditate, started with some yoga, and then sat on my old three-legged meditation stool. My mind cleared a bit, but I kept flashing to things I’d read about meditation, Buddhism, Taoism. I was struggling. I thought, if I’m thinking about all of this, then I’m not clearing my mind. Then I had another thought about not resisting and accepting what is, but this is still thinking. And then I thought, just follow your breath, but I would drift away and pull myself back again and again.
I couldn’t help but think, I’ve been meditating and reading all of this stuff for decades and still can’t do it. DAMN! I KNOW NOTHING! Then there was no thought. My mind cleared… I was just sitting there. I could feel my body and hear the refrigerator. I opened my eyes and looked at my hands. There was no meditating. I was just sitting in the room. I looked around, and it seemed like everything was glowing with energy. I felt it in my body. There’s nothing the mind can do with nothing. I just sat there in the dark, knowing nothing and connected with everything.