A Matter of Doubt 

Zomewhere, Berlin, Germany

 

Maybe you know what it’s like: I can’t do this. I’m just fooling myself. Who the hell do I think I am. I’m a fake. It’ll be crap, and they’ll make fun of me. There are other things I should be doing. I feel so stupid. I’ll go down in flames. I’m too tired, too old, too busy, and to top it off, with climate change, why bother––It’s all coming apart anyway. 

I’ve gone through periods when I’m trying to start a new endeavor, and the self-talk was overwhelming. It’s a problem. I can be frozen, unable to move forward. 

One day I had an idea. If I write my doubts down, maybe I can learn something and slow down the ongoing mind chatter. So I started a doubt log. Whenever my head fills with this kind of thing, I open the document and write it down. Most of them sound silly when I read them back, and it allows me to put them aside and move on. The doubts listed above are from my actual log. Doubt is not an obstacle. It’s just a thought.